Monday, January 02, 2006

Do, Re, Mi

The reason I always make fun of white trash is because I’m only a Poconos time-share away from being white trash myself. Case in point, I plan to leave my Christmas lights up all year, I love Hershey Bars and I won $1,000 on a scratch ticket last week. That doesn’t have anything to do with anything, but I want my peeps to know I’m keeping it real.

The Nazis in the Sound of Music have to be the dumbest Nazis ever. Do you mean to tell me they posted guards all over the auditorium during the festival but no one was watching the door? And didn’t Max get punished for so obviously helping the von Trapps escape? And why weren’t the nuns immediately taken to a concentration camp after they dismantled the Nazis’ cars? The only Nazi who showed any initiative was Rolf, and it was probably just because Liesl refused to, shall we say, “deliver his telegram” in the gazebo that night.

Lessons I’ve learned from the Sound of Music
-The Nazis in Salzburg in September 1939 just didn’t care
-When you’re sixteen going on seventeen, it’s best not to get involved with Nazi youth because they will turn you in at the end of the movie unless you put out
-Governesses are man-stealing bitches (just ask the Baroness)
-While a stiff drink and a lap dance may be among the captain’s favorite things, they are not part of the song
-No one, and I mean no one, knows how to solve a problem like Maria
-The hills may be alive with the sound of music, but it could also be those mushrooms you ate


Anonymous said...

Dearest troubled-classic-movie-loving-friend-

Maybe you should lay off the deep political thrillah's and do what I do when I'm searching for the deeper meaning in life: pop in Top Gun.

Instead of rehashing relentlessly evil periods of human history through film, try going Mac 5 for a change. All the questions and answers to life's greatest challenges are there, but on a more sunny, SoCal note. You can't beat Miramar in the fall.

Sure, we can ask comparable questions like the ones you bring up for the Sound of Music, the soul-searching questions like, would Mav ever really leave his wing man? (NEVER in real life) or: would Maverick ever really leave a babe like Kelly behind, even for 15 short film minutes (NO WAY!!) but our answers are far less troubling and far simpler than the dumb-Nazi decisions (could it be otherwise?) brought to light by your recent movie experience.

All I'm really saying is, when it comes to cinema and the films that ask us to ask the difficult questions in life is: CAN YOU REALLY BEAT A DUSTY GREEN FLIGHT SUIT? Well, I mean, can you really beat a dusty green flight suit being unzipped before you? If Rolf was hotter, Nazi or not, would this be an issue?

I THINK NOT. Maria TRIED to hang out with the naval aviators during the war (it's been documented) but got stuck with the kids in the darn mountains instead.

But I digress: I ran in to T. Cruise and K. Holmes this weekend in Vegas at a convention. Three feet parading in front of me. Some would be disillusioned by the shortness in stauture and the ordinariness of screen folk in person, but all I could think of was the flight suit.

Lesson I learned from Top Gun:

When you're sixteen going on seventeen skip the political B.S. and head on down to flight school. It's better than thinking too hard about political affiliation, whether someone is going to turn you in or not, etc.

I can't wait to review your next film!


Kate said...

Doe-Eyed Kate:

You need to lay off the Pinot Noir.

(At least until I visit!)

Rachel said...

Jees, Louise, ANONYMOUS.
I heard stories...