Circle of Life

Went to see the Lion King last night (which would have been better with real lions) and it made me all excited to come home and see my cat, until I got there and found she had pooped all over the floor. Then the little bastard jumped on my bed at 3 am with a LIVE GODDAMN MOUSE in her mouth.

There’s been increased chatter at work among the annoying Yankee fans, but I don’t even care anymore because I’m so disgusted with the Red Sox I’ve become a soccer fan. Go Manchester United!

My new leopard shoes, while super-cute, are also giving me Derek Lowe blisters. I will give them another chance, though, because love means never having to say you’re sorry.

Upstate

I just returned from Syracuse, NY, which is too sad a place to even make fun of, BUT I did go to Waterloo Outlets in… somewhere 45 minutes west of Syracuse. I’m pretty sure they are running a meth lab out of the food court, but the J. Crew was awesome. Is it me, or does everyone in central New York look like they should be on Intervention?

The other thing is, if things don’t work out with David Wright, I want to marry Jet Blue Airlines. They have little TVs on the back of every seat. And the seats have tons of room, and they give you a choice of snacks. (And they have TVs!)

Crap. I just realized I have to watch the Red Sox games on the Yes Network this weekend. At least it’s not Fox.

UGH! I just checked, and tomorrow’s game IS on Fox. Crap.

Elephant Rage

I recently watched the awesome “Elephant Rage” on NGC, which was about how more and more elephants are going into villages and kicking the crap out of people because they are PISSED humans are taking over the land and cutting down trees and all that Greenpeace shit.

Well I have one word for you elephants. Why don’t you evolve some more, and then maybe you could be in charge. Sure, you’re big and strong, but can you mix a martini? Can you send an email? I don’t think so.

Shut up, elephants.

Here are my favorite quotes from the show:

“Something terrible is driving them to rampage.”
“I debated getting out of elephants altogether.”
“Are they finally reaching the breaking point?”
“What will we do? Will we give elephants more land... more dignity... more hope?”

*Shut up, elephants, except Babar. You know that dude can mix a martini.