Leftovers

Just some random shit that was floating around my hard drive.

Step one to reinventing one’s career: don’t leave notes from career reinvention seminar in cab.

Step two: When envisioning mythical perfect career, consider things you love. Wrack brain to think of job that combines lying on beach, drinking wine and watching Flavor of Love.

Step three: Seek advice from those already established in field you’re considering. Email Oprah and ask her to bankroll me on new career drinking wine on the beach.

Step four: Get tired of trying to think of fake career reinvention advice and go out for ice cream.

Lessons I’ve Learned from Urban Cowboy:

Cowboy boots are appropriate wedding attire
If your wife wants to ride the mechanical bull, you’re better off just letting her
Don’t climb to the top of the oil refinery during a lightning storm
If you enter a bar contest with John Travolta, he is going to win
Don’t mess with Texas

Pet Peeves of Rosemary’s Babysitter:

Satan’s check always bounces
Kid keeps leaving his pitchfork on the bus
Cloven hooves track mud on playroom carpet
None of the other nannies will talk to her at Starbucks
Constantly have to wash crayon pentagrams off the wall
The brat keeps trying to buy other kids’ souls with Monopoly money
Impossible to get goat smell out of clothes at the end of the day
Play-dates usually end in human sacrifice
The nursery is hot as hell