Dog Days

Albany rocks!

Top Five Fun Facts About Albany

5. Herman Melville attended Albany Academy
4. The Erastus Corning Tower is the tallest building in NY State outside of NYC
3. Chester Arthur, 21st U.S. president, is buried in Albany Rural Cemetery
2. Albany was the second settlement in the 13 original American colonies, after Jamestown, Virginia
1. Albany is home to the world's largest RCA "Nipper" still in existence

More Nipper: 1, 2

Sources: Wikipedia, College of St. Rose

All America City

I had Sunday and Monday off for a change and felt like torturing myself, so I took a small jaunt to the Capital City on the Hudson.

Top 5 Reasons To Go To Albany*

5. The Egg
4. Stewart's (pronounced "Stort's") mint chocolate chip ice cream
3. Ragonese's
2. Lombardo's
1. The Fountain

*4 out of 5 are food-related

Earff Day

I'm inaugurating a daily Top Five list. Today, in honor of Earth Day I give you:

Top Five Most Annoying Things About the Earth

5. Gravity
4. Wind
3. Precipitation
2. Winter
1. Bugs

New York State of Mind

View from the ESB

I’m sooo depressed tonight… it’s a beautiful, 80 degree spring night and I should be drinking a margarita outside somewhere with my friends... but I don’t have any. So, so much for that. Also my entire apartment building smells like cabbage.

(Who even cooks cabbage anymore? It’s not like it’s 1930s Romania and there’s nothing else to eat. Order Chinese for chrissakes.)

Thank God I have MLB Extra Innings and a 12-pack of Amstel or I would be curled up on the floor in the fetal position.

Speaking of fetal, today was Baby Ella’s first trip to NYC and she was not very impressed with it. She’s not a subway girl, which I can appreciate. I think by screaming from 86th St to Chambers she was making a statement that the trains are dirty and there are too many homeless people on them. Perhaps she should meet with Mayor Bloomberg.

***

To further illustrate how pathetic I am, for dinner I'm having French bread pizza instead of steak and I’m watching “Naked Science: The Bermuda Triangle” on the National Geographic Channel. I am a walking “Sex and the City” episode.

***

Addendum:

Just watched "Pretty in Pink" on TBS. A few points:

- I know I am old now that I identify more with Annie Potts more than Molly Ringwald

- James Spader as Steff is hot in a Preppie Killer sort of way

- Andrew McCarthy was 46 when he made this movie

- Having to choose between Molly Ringwald and Andrew McCarthy as to who is the worse actor is akin to having to choose which limb you'd like hacked off first

- Jon Cryer is annoying

- I miss the '80s

Of Mike and (Monkey) Men

I am working a fabulous day shift today, which means that although I had get up at 5:30 (that’s AM), I will be at Happy Hour by 4:01. Or I would be if I had anyone to hang out with. More likely I will rush home to catch the 5:00 re-broadcast of Dr. Phil, which is still better than listening to co-workers debate whether the New Yorker is more pretentious than the Economist. (As if anything could be more pretentious than that conversation.)

The following is the best news story I’ve come across since the legendary Monkey Man attacks of 2001.

From AP:

Mike the Headless Chicken survived a beheading in 1945 in Fruita, Colo. Afterward, Mike could go through the motions of pecking for food, and when he tried to crow, a gurgle came out. His owner put feed and water directly into Mike's gullet with an eyedropper.
Scientists examined the chicken and theorized Mike had enough of a brain stem left to live headless. He was a popular attraction until he choked to death on a corn kernel.

Poor Mike.

The Mike web site is doubly awesome.

Lethal Sloth

I'm still recovering from an exhausting Meatster/Opening Day doubleheader in Boston, so I dug deep into the annals of stuff I made up while trying not to kill myself at my last job. (And someday I will figure out that whole HTML-table thing.)

Write Your Own Lifetime Movie Kit

Choose Title:

Pick an adjective:	Add a deadly sin:
Fatal	Lust
Deadly	Greed
Lethal	Pride
Desperate	Sloth
Dangerous	Anger
Precious	Murder
Carnal	Adultery

Cast:

Pick any three:
Kate Jackson	Tracey Gold	Brian Dennehy
Sharon Lawrence	Kelli Martin	Ken Olin
Meredith Baxter Birney	Kim Delaney	RickSchroeder
Tori Spelling	Corky	Mark-Paul Gosselaar

Plot:

Fill in the blanks:

This movie is about a woman who must ________
a) kill her husband
b) kill her lover
c) kill her husband’s lover
d) kill her boss

and survive _______
a) prison
b) rape
c) prison rape
d) incest
e) breast cancer

in order to save her ________
a) job
b) marriage
c) family
d) breast

Stats

T-Wo makes the last out 

My Day at Yankee Stadium

B trains that broke down on the way there: 1
People who looked like extras on The Sopranos: 44,967
Obnoxious white trash girls sitting next to me drinking Coors Light: 2
Guys in a wifebeater and gold chains continuously yelling “Trot, you suck!:” 1
Fights in which people were ejected: 3
Red Sox fans around me: 0
People cheering for A-Rod before his HR: 0
People cheering for A-Rod after his HR: 17
"Hip hip Jorge" chants: .5 (mercifully)
Babies Tino Martinez saved from a burning building before the game: 4
Years I aged during "God Bless America:" 11
Fingernails Jeter broke when he got hit: 3
Runs Mariano gave up in the 9th: 4
Obnoxious white trash girls sitting next to me drinking Coors Light who finally shut up in the 9th inning: 2

People Will Come, Ray

 

After a long, cold winter, made warmer by the knowledge that whenever my annoying Yankee fan uncle started in on his cogent “Jeter has four rings” argument, I could patiently shake my head and work the word “choke” into the conversation, the hour is upon us…it’s April 3 and the lights are on at Yankee Stadium.

I’m so happy baseball’s back I don’t even care the Red Sox are losing and David Wells sucked. For the next six months, life will unfold with “Meet me at Foxwoods” playing in the background and that’s good enough for me.

Of course that doesn’t mean I have nothing to complain about.

For one thing, I don’t like the idea of the Red Sox opening against the Yankees, other than the fact I can watch the game at work. They should ease us into the season and open against a stupid team like Baltimore or Toronto. Having to go from no baseball to Red Sox-Yankees is taxing. I haven’t had time to build up my tolerance to the Yankee fans at work who say things like, “after Sunday, their magic number will be 161.”

On the other hand, I am grateful tonight’s game is just a game game and not a playoff game. If I had to survive another week like last year's ALCS I would definitely have to check myself into rehab.

Other things annoying me:

Ronan Tynan and his 45-minute rendition of “God Bless America.”

The YES announcers crediting Tino Martinez with curing AIDS, paying off the national debt and rescuing puppies from the tsunami.

The YES announcers, period. In fact, the whole YES network. Is it really necessary to keep showing clips of Babe Ruth? WE GET IT. It’s about as original as a Lifetime movie.

Jorge Posada, Jorge Posada, Jorge Posada.

See, I am happy. Only a short list of complaints. Life is good in the 212 tonight.

Play ball!