Sick and Tired

Things I hate, part 98,983

Revolving doors
Anyone on a bike in NYC
Hurricane coverage
Aruba
The second-to-last hour of work
Bank of America
Not being able to find my black sweater this morning
Starbucks
Cat puke


Things I don’t hate

Dogs

Nasty

If evil were a candy bar, it would be a Chunky. Why on earth would you pollute perfectly good chocolate with peanuts and raisins? Peanuts I could condone under the right circumstances, but raisins are nothing but chewy little pellets of hate. Who is the perpetrator of this abomination, and why hasn’t he been punished?

Big Crapple

For all you aspiring New Yorkers out there, I'd like to impart two lessons I learned tonight:

Lesson 1: Always double-check to make sure the train you're getting on is the train you want to be getting on, in case, for example, the F train is inexplicably on the D train track and you don't realize it for two stops because in the YEAR you've been taking the D train you've never SEEN an F train on the D train track and it would never OCCUR to you that an F train would randomly, without warning, BE on the D train track.

Lesson 2: When you are yelling at a cab driver for going downtown instead of uptown, make sure you are, in fact, going downtown. And don't be snotty when he asks if you've been drinking. (I wasn't, by the way.)

Damn you, Mercury retrograde!

Who's The Boss

Dear PBS,

Hi, either be free or charge money like HBO, but stop freaking whining about it. When you interrupt Bruce Springsteen at Madison Square Garden to beg for donations it only pisses me off, ensuring I will never send you money.

And Bruce? Love your music, but don’t need to hear your opinions on religion or world affairs. While you’re at it, tell Bono to shut up, too.

Sincerely,
Kate

Death in the Afternoon

Getting old sucks. I used to be able to go out until 4:00 am, get an hour or two of sleep and still make it to the Bagel Baron for my 7:00 am shift, which would be spent cheerfully scooping out the insides of bagels for delightful and appreciative SUNY Albany students.

But now if I have more than two (or twenty) beers I have to spend the entire next day lying in bed, which is how I find myself right now, flat on my back, computer on my stomach, two-liter bottle of water by my side, praying for death.

The only thing that will save me is a chicken salad sandwich from Lenny's, but Lenny's might as well be in Westchester right now. They deliver, but I don't know where the phone is, or the menu, and it's really hot in here... and ugh.

No more sangria for me.

***
My horoscope in the Post says I will be cranky tonight. Who says there's nothing to astrology!

Say A Little Prayer For Me

For a couple of minutes, I thought we were having a brown out because the lights were flickering, but then I realized my light bulb was not screwed in right, which could also be the title of my autobiography. (Ha! Ha! That sauvignon blanc, how it does run on.)

Anyway, I had THE most fabulous night tonight. I have a new shelf in my bathroom, which I installed with minimal carnage, although I drilled a few extraneous holes in the wall before getting it right. But it really balances the bathroom, which I think, from a feng shui perspective, can only be a good thing.

Also, the RS won, the Janks lost, and I INSIST the Red Sox sign pitcher Jimmy Gobble immediately because I’ve been so depressed since Pokey Reese left. Jimmy Gobble is the best name I’ve heard in my entire life. In fact, I’m officially changing my name to Katie Gobble and I will not answer to anything else.

My apartment is clean, I’m listening to crappy 70s music, and I could not be happier.